i feed the machine baconators

and alligators and evergreen missiles from a small child in his style in his way he’s still mine he still smiles at the mill line he still smiles cause he is mine if you do smile they’ll put you in line force you to be a good boy tell you how to play toys no one told me i’d have to play braVE I JUST WANTED BEYBLADES I JUST WANTED RAW WAVES SURFING THEM LIKE I’D BECOME SOMETHING GREAT

i feel like i’m a still rod 

He is first but I’m still god

and God and god they like to talk cause god is told a lot of stuff 

i wish i was a still boy, not such a freaking kill-joy, i’ve gotta pick what kind of man i need to be, employ, contractually obligated to play myself

and all the roles they’ve designed
they just don’t align
with the man I want to be 

Anastasia Felicitas, August 20th 2026

Heart strings,
Hot springs,
Finding
I'm Falling
Forward
For Once.

Fears slip by
Like tears on my cheeks,
Cracks on the streets
And I'm taking leaps over each and every canyon!


Anastasia Felicitas 2026

don’t be scared
be prepared at intersections
don’t wait for instructions
just keep your wits about you

for i can’t be me without you
what’s it all add up to anyway
sand in the glass of time
did you know he has time in a jar
well
anyway
my little star
my little sister i love you 
my big sister i love you
my little brother i love you
my big brother i lov…

Read more

i’m sad because i’m lonely
i’m lonely because i’m sad

no one seems to know me
i feel like i’m made of straw
burn me up mister, you know you can’t blame me
i think i’m in love with a paper man

and my parents well neither of them give a damn if i’m alive or dead
well incase you want a check in here i am again

no one’s ever really loved me 
they all just let me go
i’m sad because i’m lonely
i’m lonely because i’m alone

all the way thru to my straw-made soul
i'm so see thru do i glow
when you light me up
all alone

just want someone
to see me for once
loose straws
think i only got one left, holding on

no one's ever really loved me
they all just let me go
i’m sad because i’m lonely
i’m lonely because i’m alone

Anastasia E. Felicitas, Aug 15, 2026 1:03pm 
don't worry. writing is how i survive

Where could I find you 

a place to let go of

all the things that bind you

that you have no control of



Where could we run to

when there’s no where to hide

and the places we come to 

are no where in sight



Will it hurt when I bend you 

will you stretch or just falter

The places I recalled you

Prayed to me like alters



Cried on the way home

Easy to say

That these things that bind you

won’t walk away



I wish I could find you

a free place to lay

the best i could find you

is a moment away 



I worry

my impact

when I tread on the grass

If I was ever anything at all

then tell me that 


I’ve asked all my questions

Stopped worshiping cash

FUcking hypocrite

That’s a fact



Only thing I know for sure

Is the things that bind me stay

But I can change the way they’re attached to me

By finding another way

Always hated rhyme schemes 

but now we’re here I say



Rosemary timing, nothing works out in my way

Glad it doesn’t cause the things that bind me 

Stay



Stay behind

All the things you’re told to chase

Never let go again

until you see lines in your face

the things that bind you

seem to wash away



when I’m with you in these lines

it’s the only place i’ll find

for us to get away


Anastasia Felicitas, August 14, 2026 finished at 2:11pm

here’s my poem
cause im not showing
my cards at the table 
or anything like that

i feared the racetrack
but got in the car
cause i needed to taste the speed of stars

oh starlight i see you 
all the stars in the sky
feel so distant from me
when i look in your eyes

tell the stardust i need you
tell it ill try to treat you kind
dont be so distant, 
starlight, 
be mine

i did try to kiss 
all the things she did away
but the hurt it seeped into your bones
and there it seems to stay

ill try to be patient even though you push me far
because you are my little star


by: Anastasia E. Felicitas TODAY wrote this 5 minutes ago
for someone... ♡

prophets for profit 
passion draining
promises feigning
put me in my
place, it's entertaining

punctured lips and pretty tits 
didn't know it would get like this
pouring out the flames will die
unprovoked anger
a distaste for life problem

proving myself like someone's behind my back
let's pretend you'll find me there

meaning is a mystery, where do i buy it?
maybe this time we'll find it
somewhere

putting all our secrets online

pressure makes a diamond
i crush
my dreams mindlessly

plain as the setting sun
i don't want to be with
anyone who doesn't see me for who i am, a problem

i don't like to act out hurt feelings
but i do it over again

can you see me
can you see me

put me in my place, so problematic

i'm balconies and frogs in creeks
i'm bikes on trails
scrapes on knees
and more invisible cuts the problem can't see

i'm the virgin primadonna
i'm the slut that wants to laugh 
i'm the bitch, the widow, the disagreeable wench.
the horrible witch, the girl you'd push off the cliff, the devil, the messiah, the star, the clown, the president, the ceo, the cunt, the one you want but can't have. i'm the owl, the mouse, the tiger, the stripes; the fucking liar, dumb blonde, standoffish bitch, whore, pussy, the problem the problem the problem try to be yourself it'll never work the problem the problem the problem is the perfect name for me


Anastasia Felicitas, first draft written February 27, 2025. Final edits August 12, 2026.

take some string try to stitch it up
prick your finger
lick it up

go out dancing i mean alll
night
block out the world just say goodbye
kiss me
hold me
wrap me up like we're renovating

how to heal a broken heart: 

you cant 
you cant
you cant

ive tried
ive tried 
ive tried

to be worth saving

and by the way they're not dreams they're visions
im
not 
crazy
im 
gifted

next step is to try avocados, large
then try crying at the grocery store

after that i wish some more
searching for a four leaf clover in the melting asphalt

walk in the rain, not through it
miss half your classes cus screw it
talk to the sky that never answers
feed the birds
feed yourself

accept that i'm not a project 
usually i would throw 
broken things out

smell the plastic flowers
buy 50 cent candy bars
throw a secret party
for you and your cat

try wearing something new
or wearing the same thing
try cutting your hair
or letting it grow
trying on every pair of shoes that you own
watch the crows eat snow
look for the truth, see lies
about people who have never really tried
to mend anything

maybe the truth is they never felt
the brokenness that i feel myself 
so there's no use comparing
if we aren't sharing 
the thing that breaks
the song that shakes
the fear that makes
a heart

if im broken then put it out of rhyme
and sing a song that never chimes
i lost my way along the road
from the warmth into the cold
i thought i'd find an answer or a reason
but all i ever did was leaving
i like to lie to myself while i look at the stars
on that hill of the school we called ours
i think we dreamed so big back then
the intimacy of having a friend
heart broken bitch


Anastasia Felicitas. August 11, 2026.

look at the mould it grew
of course it did
and so did you

alone together

u might not like it
but i did what i had to do
and i say i hate the smell of cigarettes
but not when they’re on you
so if at last our love has passed
i’ll see you on the overpass
my sweet death
a dream come true


Anastasia Felicitas

oh, im just a stranger i can't help you
what you need is a friend

oh, i'm just a friend i can't help you
what you need is a lover

oh, i'm just a lover i can't help you
what you need is a doctor

oh, i'm just a doctor i can't help you
what you need is a specialist

oh, i'm just a specialist
what you need is more holistic

i went to the holistic doctor 
he said i’m futuristic


Anastasia Felicitas

I walk through my childhood garden, hands outspread and brushing against nothing while the drops drip. My mother, for the seventh time, is trying to plant food in the no good soil. We can grow potatoes. She never looks up when she's working. Ugh. It’s not like we need to grow them. I think the potatoes are all about proving something. But I’m a kid, and I don’t exactly know what. My shin itches. I waver over my mother but she doesn’t feel my gravity. Or maybe she does and pretends not to.

I will say I’m always fascinated pulling them potatoes out of the ground. They’re like funny little rocks. Apart from that they’re as boring as school. 

The drips.

You know, the dirt here is almost black when it’s wet. It kind of looks like a boy’s hair. I can think of one boy in specific. I often see people I know in the soil, the trees, the sky, clumps of paint, whatever. My breath hitches, but still, my mother doesn’t look up. I feel like the moon on a cloudy night.

Down and away from her, there’s these heart shaped flowers my sister and I are obsessed with. We inspect them often, sometimes it feels like it’s an hourly occurrence. 

When we crouch under the lone bush, we talk about what the flowers might mean. Her and I learn a lot from our heart shaped friend. What we learn is a secret. I can try whispering it to you. Did you hear anything? 

She’s too young to notice anything’s the matter. I smile at her with sorry eyes, she wipes the drops.

For a moment I wonder if we exchange parts of ourselves with those heart shaped petals. Like we spent too much time with it and now I’m part flower and that bush is part-human. I know we want to be that pretty and fragile. I feel it now, dripping. Maybe it wants to be strong and stocky like us. Itchy all over. 

My sister is sweet. She’s soft and rounded like the tops of the flowers, and I just want to hug her once but she’s bored of flower talk, skirting off in another direction. 

I gotta make it back to my mother.

I’m at the flower bush. The potato attempt is happening on the other side of the yard. Drips. Foot over foot, we enter my favourite alleyway in the city of our family yard.

In between the garage and the house where I am getting away from the flower, there’s a small pavement. My giant dad stacks wood for the winter there. I’m always interested in this log pile. I like the way they’re all stacked up. I also like that the pile always seems to be fantastically oscillating. Like it will get bigger without anyone adding any logs, then small again, then big again. Of course, I know my dad chops the wood. Or buys it if he doesn’t chop it. But since I never see it, it’s like the pile is magically shrinking and growing at all times. I’m half convinced the logs disappear and add themselves all on their own. Speaking of my dad, where is he? 

My favourite thing to do with the alleyway is press my face really close and look between the tree piles. I always think I’m going to see something other than the edges of bark, cobwebs, and the shadow nurse. That's why I keep coming back. My little hands are like spiders filling in the spaces. Dripping spiders.

I think this time I do see something different. 

Instead of darkness where it should be...

Written July 5, 2026. Edited August 4, 2026. Final edits August 8, 2026

A. Felicitas

Find myself healthier

Killer, stealthier

Suddenly wealthier

Things just come my way

Um.

Kinder, Compassionate,

Rid me of my Evil Ways.


Stages of my life:

Be kind, be brave!

Try out a new personality

It’s so easy to change

My insides but the outside’s

Still framed on the wall


My Heart must be a tetherball.

I got feathers all the way down

A bow at the curtain call

Unravelling

                  A Sweet Sound. So,

I’ll be travelling on your shoulder the whole way, until we

Get there on a beautiful day.

I’ll try to keep on

Seeing things

In a beautiful way.


Anastasia E. Felicitas

July 16, 2026

Okay, I hear you, but what about what you want?

I don’t want my suffering to cause any more suffering. If sharing my experiences could somehow inspire someone in the wrong way… I don’t want to do that.

I’d rather just suffer silently. Then die.

That would make sense in another situation, but you’re so young. Do you want to live your whole life like this?

Maybe, sometimes I enjoy it. It’s like there’s different versions of me that have different lives. It can be interesting and thrilling and

The rest of the time?

It’s fine I guess.

Shall we walk together?

Okay. For a bit.

You’re not gonna get me to talk about it you know.

I know. So let’s just walk.

I really want him to love me like I need. I’m scared he’ll betray me like all the others. I’m too loyal. It’s always been the death of me, in many lifetimes. And then I get this other weird satisfaction that every man I’ve ever liked or loved has come crawling back. But how is it validating if they only feel my presence through my absence?

People don’t always see things when they’re right in front of them.

That’s such a cop out explanation! I deserve a better one.

The truth of the matter is sometimes so simple it feels stupid.

Enough with the riddly answers now.

Our boots crunch on the ground like sugar glass. Some silent minutes pass, multiple. I have a drink of water, there’s a bee on a clover to our right.

I think I’ll just be alone forever. There’s no one in this world who can truly never betray you. Not even oneself.

But, may I ask you why you must live under such absolute terms at all times? Isn’t the truth more nuanced, more layered?

If he betrays me it says something about me.

I think it says something more about him. Or people in general.

But the feeling of it! I can’t possibly take it again! It is worse than death! It is as if they kill you but your body survives! I just want someone’s pure devotion and loyalty!

And what a THING to ask of ANYONE!

How RUDE! I’LL ASK IT IF IT’S WHAT I NEED! BOB SAID PEOPLE SHOULD BE DEVOTED TO EACH OTHER! ESPECIALLY COUPLES! ESPECIALLY MARRIED ONES! THAT’S WHAT HE TOLD ME THE LAST TIME I SAW HIM!

Robert tells you a lot of things, Anya. It’s cause he likes you that he lies to you. He only devotes so much time to you because he is scared of what would happen if he didn’t have you on his side.

The path gets jagged. We stop for a moment but don’t look at each other. We lurch forward into the grey rocky atmosphere and the ever darkening night. Silence, again. I don’t know what to say next. He senses this, I can feel his energy shift. But he doesn’t break the silence as I’d expect.

If Bob’s trying to tame me, how come I’m here with you right now, doing as I please?